That transition to University is a difficult and strange time. Add that to the current situation where we don’t have the usual luxury of camps happening in person to allow us to break the ice with one another?
Not all of us are able to be extroverted nor do all of us possess the ability to easily make friends with anyone. It’s normal to struggle. And while we know that everyone is in a similar boat, not every boat is the same.
But before we dive in, let’s address a very basic question:
Why should you care about making friends?
Your circle of friends from secondary school/junior college/polytechnic/etc. have gone to separate paths in life (whether this be different schools, courses, work and so on)
In university, it’s all about autonomy. From your studies to your social life. You’re not going to automatically make friends (or at least become acquaintances) with people who are in the same course as you.
To be very frank with you, even if you think that you’ll be fine because hey, you already know people who are going to the same course and school, or maybe you just don’t see the point of making friends ‘cause it’s only 3-4 years and you’ll hasta la vista out of there.
Don’t kid yourself.
University is tough. It can sometimes be downright brutal. You’ll face stress like you probably hadn’t faced before. You’ll need someone to hang out with, someone to rant to, to talk to, or maybe you just need a late-night supper buddy.
We’re not telling you that you need a whole army of friends. Not really. Make as many friends as you want or need. But you do need at least a circle (even if it’s just 1 or 2 solid friends) at university.
Without that solid circle, you’d be more likely to burn out and your own mental health can take a toll. And we don’t want that.
So how does one go about forming friendships?
So here’s a guide to sort of help you through the process of building friendships and hey, it applies to acquaintances too ‘cause those could be helpful too.
((Spoilers: it’s not as simple as going for camps and/or joining clubs- but those do help.))
There’s a pretty important idea when it comes to meeting friends.
Put yourself in situations where friendships can form naturally, without any pressure or expectations.
Try to take part in activities and situations where the main activity isn’t solely centred on socialising, especially if you’re less inclined to be extroverted and out there in your search of friends. Of course, the event shouldn’t have completely removed the act of socialisation which would reduce your ability to get to know other people. Such activities could include the likes of Board Games, Escape Rooms, Sports.
The point of it is to create a suitable environment to allow for friendships to grow where there isn’t an outright pressure to make friends because there’s immediately something for you to talk about without resorting to questions like the classic dry questions like “Which school are you from?” or “How’s life?”
Now, you may be asking, how can you even find people to try out these activities with in the first place?
That’s where joining orientation camps and/or clubs and societies come in.
Let’s talk freshmen camps.
So depending on when you’re reading this, maybe yours will be different from how the annual camps are going to be run this year (in the era that is 2020).
As a result of the Covid-19 situation, many of the camps have been carried out via the internet. Which means no physical camps where you could've play games, eat meals and basically spending hours upon hours with your Orientation Groups (OGs).
Even if you weren’t able to have the “true Camp experience”, your seniors have put hard work into creating an online version that caters to the current climate we’re in.
Whatever tool they’ll be using, it comes down to one simple thing; it’s an opportunity to meet people within the same group (same course, same hall, etc.).
It’s a chance to meet and get to know not just fellow freshmen but also interact with seniors!
Take the opportunity to pick on your senior’s knowledge of the school and their experience.
Strike up a conversation, ask a question and make friends with people who are in the same position as you: wanting to make friends.
So many choices for clubs, societies and co-curricular activities (CCAs). Join some.
Universal truth: similar interests are one of the easiest and best ways to make friends with someone.
So join some clubs, meet like-minded people and mingle.
Make sure to find those that suit your interests.
Don’t feel pressured to join any clubs you don’t want to. Because for the ones that you do choose to join, we encourage you to actively go for them.
Attend their events, be open to conversation and meeting people, actively participate and don’t become a ghost. Or at least, try to see if you can create some friends before you choose enter full ghost-mode.
Orientation activities and clubs are merely avenues to help you make friends, mainly by providing you with a chance to meet and interact with others who have something in common with you.
What are some actionable things you can do right now to make friends?
Make an effort.
Let's face it, you're not going to make any new friends by just keeping to yourself. If you want to make new friendships or cultivate forming relations, you need to put yourself out there.
You can invite people to activities like dinner after the camp/club activities or ask if you can join in on pre-established plans.
Smile.
So simple an act but it can really be the kickstarter to forming genuine connections.
Put on a genuine smile and you'll find that people naturally return your smile. In fact, studies have shown that it's very difficult to frown when you're looking at someone smiling and to return a smile requires little to no conscious effort.
Plus you become more likable (backed by another study too).
So why not create a chain reaction of positivity that carries you throughout your day?
Be a nice person to be around.
This honestly goes without saying don't be a jerk of a person to be around. Be a nice person to be around and that you'll naturally find friends that would want to spend time with you.
Golden rule: Be the kind of person YOU would wanna hang out with.
Remember people’s names
Yes, it’s hard to do so when you’re meeting so many people. Especially if you’re meeting them within a short period of time.
Here are some easy and common ways to remember names (tricks apply to other pieces of information you’d like to remember too):
Focus on the conversation at hand and the person you’re talking tooIf you’re thinking about something else, chances are that you won’t be able to remember what you talked about, much less their name. So focus.
Repeat their names back to them. Once you know their name, try to find a way to repeat it back to them. Whether you do it in the first few seconds of the conversation and/or at the end when you say goodbye, using one’s name in conversation would help you to cement it in your memory. Plus, everyone loves to hear their own name.
Paint a visual picture in your head. You tend to remember images better than words. Relate to the statement of “I remember the face but not the name”? Case in point. Associate their name to a visual image that you construct to better recall their name.
This notion of remembering one’s name seems so trivial but it can really have a huge impact in the building of any relationship and if you can master the ability, it’ll be sure to serve you well in the working world too.
Chester Santos, an award-winning international speaker, once said:
“When you can remember someone’s name, it shows them that they are important to you and this can build rapport.”
Form multiple friendship groups
Try to have multiple groups of people you can hang out with from different aspects of your uni life. You don’t have to stick with the people you live with (if you’re in halls) or just the people from your polytechnic/JC days.
Branch out. Get to know more people.
With all that being said, keep in mind that it’s important not to try to force a friendship to happen. If you feel like it’s a good match and so does the other person that’s great. And if they don’t? It’s okay too.
There are so many people to meet and the potential for friendships is aplenty.
I know some of us will try to make friends just ‘cause loneliness is a scary feeling but don’t.
For your own sake, form friendships with someone you can see a connection with.
Making friends can seem like a daunting task but know that you ain’t alone in that desire.
At the end of the day, these are just some tips to help you navigate the maze that is friendships in tertiary institutions from the experience of seniors. Not everyone is similar and different things may or may not work as how it did for others.
TLDR: Be the kind of person you would want to hang out with, be nice to others and remember that you need and deserve to have people who stand by you.
So, as you go out there and take on the scary feeling of putting yourself out there, we wish you all the best and that we’re here cheering you on!
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